Held by Mystery

David Bolander • August 22, 2025

Spirituality as Secure Attachment in Spiritually Diverse Communities

In a world that often feels fragmented and fast-moving, many of us long for a place to land—a presence that says, “You are safe. You are seen.” For some, that presence is God. For others, it’s Spirit, Love, the Universe, or simply the sacred pulse of life itself. In spiritually diverse communities—where the divine is explored through tradition, experience, scripture, and mystery—this longing is not dismissed. It’s honored.


Attachment Theory and the Sacred


Attachment theory, rooted in the work of John Bowlby, teaches that our earliest relationships shape how we connect, trust, and feel safe. When those early bonds are nurturing, we internalize a sense of worth and security. When they’re fractured, we may carry wounds that echo through adulthood.

But healing is possible—and for many, it begins in the spiritual realm.


Researchers like Pehr Granqvist and Lee Kirkpatrick have explored how people form attachment relationships with the divine. Whether through prayer, meditation, music, or ritual, spiritual connection can offer:


  • A safe haven in times of emotional distress
  • A secure base from which to explore life’s complexity
  • A mirror that reflects back our inherent worth


Michael John Cusick’s Sacred Attachment beautifully explores this dynamic, offering a trauma-informed lens on how divine love can become a healing force in our lives.


The Divine as a Loving Presence


In communities that honor varied spiritual paths, the divine is not confined to a single image or doctrine. It may be experienced as:


  • The Christ who walks with the marginalized
  • The Spirit that dances in creativity and justice
  • The Mystery that holds all things together
  • The Love that transcends binaries and borders


This openness allows people to form spiritual attachments that feel authentic, healing, and deeply personal.


Spiritual Attachment Styles


Just as we have human attachment styles, we also carry spiritual ones. These influence how we relate to the sacred:


  • Secure attachment style expresses in faith as trust in divine presence and grace
  • Anxious style expresses in faith as fear of abandonment
  • Avoidant style expresses in faith as skepticism or detachment from spiritual practices
  • Disorganized style expresses in faith as conflicted or traumatic spiritual history

 

Spiritually diverse communities often create space for all of these—welcoming the doubter, the seeker, the wounded, and the mystic alike.


Healing Through Sacred Connection


In a church where music ranges from Taizé chants to indie folk, where sermons quote both scripture and poetry, and where the divine is spoken of with reverence and curiosity, healing happens. People begin to feel held—not just by community, but by something deeper.


Spiritual practices like contemplative prayer, embodied worship, and shared silence can rewire our nervous systems toward trust. Over time, the divine becomes not just an idea, but a felt presence—a secure attachment figure that walks with us through joy, grief, and transformation.


If this reflection resonates, consider sitting with these questions—not to arrive at answers, but to deepen your awareness of how you relate to the sacred:

  • What does “being held” by the divine mean to you—and when have you felt it most clearly? Explore moments of spiritual safety, even if they were fleeting.
  • How do your early relationships shape the way you seek or resist spiritual connection today? Notice any echoes between attachment and faith.
  • What spiritual practices help you feel seen, soothed, or grounded? Consider what brings you closer to a felt sense of presence.
  • Is there a part of your spiritual story that feels tender, conflicted, or unfinished? Let this be a space to honor complexity without judgment.



References


Cusick, M. J. (2025). Sacred Attachment: Escaping Spiritual Exhaustion and Trusting in Divine Love. IVP Formatio. InterVarsity Press.


Cherniak, A. D., Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., & Granqvist, P. (2021). Attachment theory and religion. Current Opinion in Psychology, 40, 126–130. APA PsycNet.


Freund, A., Fuchshuber, J., Silani, G., & Unterrainer, H. F. (2024). The relationship between attachment, primary emotions and positive/negative spirituality: a path analysis. Frontiers in Public Health. Frontiers Journal.


Hiebler-Ragger, M., et al. (2016). Facets of Spirituality Diminish the Positive Relationship between Insecure Attachment and Mood Pathology in Young Adults. PLOS ONE. PLOS Journal.



David Bolander, M.Div., M.A., LMHCA (he/him), is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate offering inclusive, attachment-based therapy for adults navigating anxiety, depression, identity exploration, and relational trauma. His approach is warm, emotionally attuned, and grounded in deep respect for each person’s story. As a gay therapist, David is passionate about supporting the LGBTQ+ community and creating spaces of authenticity, belonging, and emotional safety. Drawing from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), psychodynamic theory, and contemplative spirituality, David helps clients explore emotional wounds, trace attachment patterns, and reconnect with their worth. His work is shaped by two decades of leadership in spiritual and community settings, and by a belief that healing is relational, existential, and often sacred. David offers individual and group counseling both in person and online. His professional listings are available on Open Path, Therapy Den, and Psychology Today.

Learning from the Mystics: A Pure Heart

By Rev. Dr. Brenda Freije • August 18, 2026
What if Jesus’ words, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” are not about who gets to see God someday, but an invitation to learn how to see God now? The great Christian mystics believed that the heart is more than the center of our emotions. It is an “organ of spiritual perception,” a way of seeing beneath the surface of things into the deeper reality of God’s presence. Richard Rohr says this is what mysticism is really about. Mystics are not spiritual elites who have strange or extraordinary experiences. They are people who have learned to go beneath the surface and discover the “connected core of reality.” The result is not simply a different experience of God; it is a different way of seeing everything. They begin to see grace in all things and the deep connections between all things—seeing a neighbor instead of a stranger, a human being instead of an enemy, sacred creation instead of commodities, connection instead of separation, and Divine Presence where we previously assumed God was absent. And that gives us perhaps the most important test of genuine mystical spirituality: Are we becoming more loving? The goal of contemplative practice is not extraordinary spiritual experiences. Its fruit is a growing capacity for compassion, generosity, freedom, and love—a different way of being in the world. Let's explore what Jesus might mean by a “pure heart,” what keeps us from seeing clearly, how learning from the mystics and their practices can help us awaken to a God who may be much closer than we realize, and how all of this might enable us to act in the world with greater peace, hope, and clarity.

Mother Love, Mother Loss

By Joy Dyer, MSW, LCSW • August 10, 2026
The relationship we have with our mothers is one of the most meaningful in our lives. Sometimes sweet, sometimes difficult…or worse…but always full of complexity. And researchers have determined that this most significant of relationships actually begins in the womb. It’s the template where we first learn about love, whether we were fortunate to have loving mothers, or mothers who sadly were unable to love us as we needed and deserved. This primal, intense relationship continues throughout our lives, influencing and shaping who we become and how we relate to others as we journey through on our own paths. Is it any wonder then that the death of our mothers is one of the most impactful losses that we will experience? And yet, even after her death, it’s possible to have a continuing conversation and relationship with her…with her gifts and her flaws…that allows for connection and the possibility of repair and forgiveness. This Sunday, please join us as we explore the joys, sorrows, and possibilities of the eternal bond between mother and child. Joy Dyer, MSW, LCSW, brings 37 years of clinical social work experience, including work in end-of-life care and advanced bereavement training. She specializes in grief in all its forms. Joy returns to The Garden on Thursday, September 3 for Debunking the Myths of Grief.

It's All Fun & Games

By Rev. Dr. Carolyn Scanlan-Holmes • August 4, 2026
On the Importance of Play

Joyspan

By Rev. Dr. Carolyn Scanlan-Holmes • July 29, 2026
Sometimes, joy is the last thing on the list. Bills pile up, plans fall through, the news doesn't help — and "just be joyful" can start to feel like one more thing at which we're failing. This Sunday, we're taking a closer look at joy. We're not interested in the fake-it-till-you-make-it or the just-look-on-the-bright-side kind, but something sturdier. Nehemiah 8:10 puts it simply: the joy of the Lord is our strength. It is not a mood, and it is not a performance, but a strength we can lean on. It isn't a denial of pain, sorrow, or other distress, but may offer a path through. Dr. Kerry Burnight makes a related case in her recent book Joyspan — that a good life has less to do with how long we live than with how much joy we let ourselves experience along the way. Join us Sunday as we explore Joy, and what can happen when we open ourselves to it no matter our circumstances.

The Art of Community

By Rev. Dr. Carolyn Scanlan-Holmes • July 21, 2026
How does a community fight loneliness? We'll explore our grant-funded work, what's working, and how it echoes the community-building ministry.

The Fine Print: The Bible

By Rev. Dr. Carolyn Scanlan-Holmes • July 13, 2026
As a sacred and revered text, the Bible exerts tremendous influence on our lives. Notwithstanding our constitutional separation of church and state, its impact reverberates through our politics, morality, and spirituality. Yet, while widely respected and treasured, the Bible’s influence—or rather, its interpretation by those with power and resources and the desire to make other people live by their beliefs—has been leveraged to justify slavery, vilify LGBTQ+ people, elevate men over women, and divide rather than unite. This week, we will slow down to look past those historical misuses. Instead, we’ll dig directly into the timeless truths and teachings within the Bible that offer guidance for our faith and inspiration for our daily choices.

Adventures with Moses Day 3

By Lea Ann Koekenberg • July 11, 2026
God Provides, God Protects, God Leads

The Fine Print: The U.S. Constitution

July 6, 2026
Explore the U.S. Constitution's relevance today. Join us for insights on its principles & impact on society.

The Fine Print: The Declaration of Independence

June 29, 2026
We often hear the phrase, "Make sure you read the fine print," as we navigate the complexities of daily life. Whether it's the Constitution, the Bible, or even the manual for our computers, there's a wealth of fine print that tends to be skimmed over, misinterpreted, or entirely overlooked. Yet these details often hold the key to understanding the bigger picture and guiding us through life's challenges. This week, we're excited to launch a three-week series titled "The Fine Print." Over the next few Sundays, we'll take a closer look at some of the most important documents that shape our lives and values. Week 1: We'll explore The Declaration of Independence—a powerful statement of freedom and the rights of individuals that still resonates today. Week 2: Our focus shifts to The Constitution, examining its vital principles and how they continue to influence our society. Week 3: We'll conclude with a deep dive into The Bible, uncovering the profound truths and teachings that guide our faith and actions. Each message will stand on its own, so if you happen to miss one, rest assured you can still enjoy and engage with the others — though we'd love to have you for the whole series. Join us this Sunday for The Fine Print—a journey that promises to deepen our understanding and appreciation of these foundational texts. Together, we'll discover how the details within these documents can illuminate our paths and enrich our lives. You won't want to miss it!

Blessed to Give

June 23, 2026
We have often heard the words, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." The phrase is so well-known that many people don't even realize it is found in the Bible (Acts 20:35). So, is it just a cliché, or does God truly do something in the heart of a giving person—something that blesses both them and the world in which they live? Research shows that this is no mere platitude. Our brains respond to generosity by triggering a significant positive feedback loop when we practice, receive, or even simply witness giving in action. In a 2008 study, researchers found that people who spent money on others reported a notably higher uptick in happiness than those who spent it on themselves. Interestingly, this difference had nothing to do with how much they spent, but rather the direction of their spending. Giving really does benefit everyone—the giver, the receiver, and the witness—and the effect ripples outward. And it’s not just about monetary gifts, but also gifts of kindness and service. What we do, and how we give, truly matters. Join us Sunday as we explore how God turns giving into the blessing of receiving.